Update: I just got my pre-order page on amazon to turn this series into a book!
This is an article in the Communication 101 series. Click here for the Table of Contents.
Remember, we are talking about the core emotions and signals that have their own indicator lights on our body’s internal dashboard. These are the needs that can’t be argued with. When we focus on this dashboard, we cut out all the stories, assumptions, and blame that often make getting our core needs met so difficult. It is important to detect and remove those types of stories from both our internal dialogue and our outward communication to others. All of this was discussed in the previous articles, Emotionally, Where Am I At? and Stories Become Our Reality.
Now let’s look behind our internal dashboard. Behind every individual alert is an unmet human need. Each unmet need causes an alert light on our dashboard to turn on inside of us by way of a core signal or core emotion. Wouldn’t it be great if we had a list of all the core human needs behind all those core signals on our dashboard? Well, it turns out, we’re not the first to go looking for this list. Two great sources for enumerating and understanding core human needs are Maslow’s hierarchy of needs[1] and the book Nonviolent Communication (NVC)[2]. I’m going to start with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and then merge in NVC to discover a more complete hierarchical list of core human needs.
If you already know Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, feel free to skim past the diagram and list of needs. Simply pickup reading at the bold text. Otherwise, here’s a short summary of Maslow’s model.
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is a motivational theory, a tool, that simplifies human needs into collections of needs that depend on each other. Maslow’s model is often represented as a pyramid with the most basic human needs and motivations at the bottom.[3] Starting at the bottom of the pyramid, each time a human satisfies all of the needs in a category, the needs of the next category tend to emerge. The order of the categories from the bottom to the top are, physiological needs, safety needs, belonging and love needs, esteem needs, and self-actualization needs. This can be seen in the following diagram, which is heavily based on a diagram from simplypsychology.org[4].
(Source: the above diagram is heavily based on a diagram from simplypsychology.org[5].)
Below, is a breakdown of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Every item in the breakdown is a valid human need. As you read the following text, know that you personally deserve to have every need on this list met. You are allowed to have a life that includes every item on this list so long as you do so in health ways. The entirety of this series is a guide for “how to get our core needs met in healthy ways.” It turns out that self-master and healthy communication are major parts of that.
A breakdown of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs:
Self-actualization needs | Includes: achieving one’s full potential, partner acquisition, parenting, creative activities, utilizing and developing talents and abilities. |
Esteem needs | Includes: self-respect, self-worth, respect from others, recognition, fame, prestige, attention, self-confidence, strength, independence, freedom, status, and dignity. |
Belonging & love needs | Includes: family, friendship, intimacy, connection, give/receive love & affection, trust, and acceptance. |
Safety needs | Includes: health, personal safety, physical safety, emotional safety, financial safety, employment, property, and resources. |
Physiological needs | Includes: air, water, food, warmth, rest, clothes, hygiene, light, bodily functions, shelter, and sexual reproduction. |
Can you see how each category leads to the next? For example: we don’t worry about personal safety or financial safety until all our physiological needs are met; things like air, water, and food. Once we have all our physiological needs met, we naturally start to wonder about personal safety and financial stability. That pattern walks its way up the pyramid.
Every one of these items is a valid human need. The needs at the top are just as important as the needs at the bottom. They all create alerts on our internal dashboards.
When prioritizing a solution to our unmet needs, our brain tends to start at the bottom and progress upwards as it manages all those dashboard alerts. This creates a blind spot regarding our high-level needs. Our brain experiences a form of tunnel vision as it focuses on how our lower-level needs are in jeopardy and it tends to lose sight of our higher-level needs. For example, we may forget all about our need for self-actualization, creativity, and freedom when we are lacking lower-level needs like air, water, or food. It doesn’t have to be a survival thing either. We can also forget about self-actualization, creativity, and freedom when we are lacking or otherwise afraid of losing attention, respect, trust, love, or any other needs.
Prioritizing lower-level needs, like air or emotional safety, does not invalid the need for those higher-level items, like creativity and freedom. For happiness, human need self-actualization, creativity, and freedom just as much as they need air and emotional safety. Notice I’m not talking solely about our need to survive. I’m including our need to thrive.
Regarding our core needs, never forget these two distinctions: (1) all our seemingly-hierarchical needs are equally important and valid; and (2) our brain experiences a form of tunnel vision when our lower-level needs are lacking or in jeopardy. This tunnel vision causes a blind spot where we can lose sight of our other needs.
Why am I making such a big deal about those to distinctions? Simply put, it is very easy to distract humans with lower-level needs while their higher-level needs are also suffering or being taken from them. We use these two distinctions against each other all the time. Our brains fool us by treating some of our own needs as less important than others. At times, our brains also tend to treat other people’s needs as less important than our own. “People pleaser” often treat their own needs as less important or secondary to the needs of others. Discounting our own needs or the needs of others leads to invaliding those needs with words and distractions that create blind spots.
On a small scale, this might look like yelling at our partner because we are starving. The yelling focuses on solving our hunger need while also completely missing how it is damaging our needs for belonging & love as well as our partner’s needs for physical safety and emotional safety. One might describe that as “seeing red,” which is quite the opposite of rose-colored glasses. In a more sinister example, an abusive person might keep their partner’s need for safety or love in constant jeopardy. While this partner is in survival mode, the abusive person may be slowly stripping them of their needs for self-worth, accomplishment, independence, dignity, family, and community. Friends and onlookers will see it so clearly, yet the person in “survival mode” may never see it.
This toxic behavior doesn’t stop with just an abusive partner. Distracting humans by putting their lower-level needs in jeopardy while also chipping away at their higher-level needs is a toxic behavior that shows up in groups of humans of any size. From governments and religions to families and partners, there is a danger of humans putting other human’s lower-level needs at risk to manipulate them and take their higher-level needs without being notice. Both historically and presently, humans create cultures that exploit our brain’s tunnel vision around needs. When we are focused on surviving rather than thriving, we can be exploited. When everyone’s livelihood is at risk because of some other group, real or imagined, humans forget about the importance of higher-level needs. When a society is focused on the threat of violence from neighboring areas, or a demonized group, the people are more likely to willingly vote away their freedoms to keep the “bad” people away. A simple review of primary school world history will make this self-evident.
Unfortunately, this form of manipulation works. Humans do it to each other because it works. TV commercials about toothpaste try to scare us with talk of cancer because it works. The news and media channels use fear and a focus on issues that hit us lower on Maslow’s hierarchy because it works. Political groups describe terrorist threats while taking away our rights and freedoms because it works.
Realizing that our brain becomes blind and vulnerable to manipulation when our lower-level needs are at risk is a superpower. Now we can see how it affects us and the world around us. We can see how it can be used in toxic ways and used against us. Intentionally or not, it is a toxic form of manipulation. For the sake of ourselves and humanity, we all need to call it out when we see it, educate each other, and resolve to never use these tactics again.
[1] Abraham Maslow’s 1943 paper “A Theory of Human Motivation”
[2] Nonviolent Communication (NVC) by Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD. (See Com101 – Recommended Resources for more info.)
[3] Wikipedia.org, “Maslow’s hierarchy of needs”. Retrieved 7 Dec 2022.
[4] https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html – Retrieved 7 Dec 2022.
[5] https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html – Retrieved 7 Dec 2022.
Update: I just got my pre-order page on amazon to turn this series into a book!
What next?
Next article in this series: Com101 – Needs Maslow’s Model Missed
Previous article in this series: Com101 – Signals Are Unmet Needs
Go back to the Table of Content for this section on needs.
Go back to the Table of Contents for Communication 101 series.
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