Again, the 5 love languages, in no particular order, are: Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, and Gifts.

They come from the book written by Gary Chapman… link in the description
Quiz in the description.

I’m going to assume you already know them. If not, see my video on that. Link in the description and above.

If I asked you to imagine a kinky fantasy between a dominant and a submissive. –and let’s skip the stereo type fantasy that pops into everyone’s heads when we mention “Kinky” or “BDSM”. What’s you’re kinky fantasy?

Odds are, your fantasy will be different than mine. One of us might have thought of getting spanked while another thought of serving tea and biscotti on a silver platter while in a very specific outfit.

What I’ve come to find is that the 5 love languages are present in kinky fantasies.
So what does that look like?

Here’s a few examples for each language. For now, let’s just assume the dom and the sub are both using the same language.

Touch

spanks or maybe texture play, like rabbit skins, or pinwheels, electric play, cuddles, hands through hair and hair pulling, wrestling, dominance that involves touch like pinning someone hands down over their head while you straddle them, or holding their hands behind their back, or biting their neck.

When you dominate you do it with contact and overpowering.

When you submit you do it by letting your limbs be moved and handled without too much resistance so your lover can press their body against yours.

When you brat, you will do so until you are physically reprimanded or correct.

Words of Affirmation,

dirty talk, praise, complements, commands. Painting a flirtatious picture of the fantasy you want to experience together. It might be more enticing to talk through it than actually doing it. Maybe in the middle of sex, you’re both actively talking out a fantasy that involves a toy you don’t have yet, or a third person who’s not quite a viable option yet.

When you dominate it’s with words, commands, and very cleaver phrases of expectation.
When you brat you will do so with a smart mouth and you will push until verbally out matched or placed in a verbal bind. Again, silence may be a punishment.

Quality Time,

play, conversation, littles, exploring new kinky toys together, skinny dip and chat in a hot tub.
When you dominate, you give or deny 100% of your time and attention until they’ve earned it. Praise by giving them your full attention and ignoring everything else. Punishment can be walking away.

When you submit, you give your full attention to your dominat’s every move, every word, every moment.

When you brat you deny full time and attention until you are forced to pay attention and be in the moment with 100% attention on your dom and receiving 100% of their attention back.

Acts of Service

Service is a whole genre of kink for good reason. Doing something you know your partner finds useful. Fetch and arrange all the toys. Fix a broken toy.

Dominate by giving your sub many ways to show you their devotion and then praise them by giving them the service-style reward they are looking for in return.

Submit by 100% putting your all into perfectly doing things for you dominate.

Brat by not giving your all to a task until you are given a good reason to. Brat by trying to get the Dom to lower their standards or to server first without earning it.

Gifts:

What if you have a new toy to share? What if the gift is a photo of your favorite new mark.

Dominate by making a surprise known and withholding information about it.